Blame it on the rain

Well here are 2 little stories I have to add – kept for a rainy day

Story #1: know your surroundings

Well since moving into my new place – a whole new area, I have found a smashing place to take the dogs for a run. Just round the corner from me there’s an empty riverbank and beyond that a large open area for the dogs to run their wee socks off ;-) On the first spell of rain we had I drove to the normal spot – parked the car up and let the dogs out – it was raining, but not too heavy like it had been earlier. I had a pair of jean on and trainers so my feet weren’t that well protected but I had a nice warm jacket on, snugly. I discovered the empty river bed was no longer empty – filled to the brim – no way have we had that much rain over night – hmmmm. Well I can’t cross here without my canoe so I decided to walk down-stream a bit to see if there was a place I could cross. Sure enough further up the road there was a wee island thingamajig I could jump onto and then get on the bank at the other side. We done our walk and just as we got near where I normally cross the heavens opened up – it was soooooo heavy rain, I was walking backwards and looked at wee Samroc who was walking beside me – his head was lowered and he was closing his eyes best he could. Stuff this, come on boy, I ran to where I normally cross the river to see if there was a way we could all get over. Diva and Mini jumped straight in, had a wee swim and over the other side. I’m looking frantically for somewhere to cross – then I spotted it. Someone had placed a largish tree branch to use as a crossing point – why didn’t I see that before? The thickest part of the branch was about a metre from the bank so I got my footing right, careful not to slip and fall into the burn – counted in my head – 1, 2, 3 – and made the jump onto the branch. Doesn’t quite end there though – the branch wasn’t actually a crossing point which someone had kindly placed – it was a random branch which had been washed up and was momentarily having a rest from its journey down stream and beyond. Now here’s me up to my waste in skanky water – freezing cold and completely soaked through. My first reaction wasn’t to scream out or immediately get out the water – my first response was to look about to see if anyone saw me – how embarrassing, then I waded over to the other side. Once I was out I couldn’t stop laughing, what a walley - even the dogs were laughing. I got in the car covered in crap that was skimming on the top of the water and went to the wee local shop – I squelched into the shop and squelched out – went home dried the dogs off and had the best bath ever – moral of the story – if you’re gonna do stupid stuff take someone along and a video camera – TV shows give you money for that :-)

Story #2: take your time

Again another poring day – I was sitting in the house with the dogs and doing some work. The back door was left open the dogs could come and go as they pleased. I had a pair of short and a t-shirt on, along with a big granny housecoat – which mum insisted on giving me – bright purple with flowers on – not very sexy but warm all the same. I had finished my last cigarette and was putting off going out to the car to get the full packet sitting on the front seat. Stuff it, if I go now then it’s over and done with. I opened the front door and saw the downpour. I used the bleeper on the car keys to open the car up – the car keys are on the same key ring as the house keys which are in the house door. The dogs all came running toward the door, trying to be fly I pulled the door kinda closed to stop them running out into the rain which would have included me running to the car with my sexy housecoat, opening the car door, all the dogs jumping in the car, me telling them to get out, grabbing the smokes, closing the car door and running back into the house – me soaking and all 3 dogs the same. So I tried to beat them at the game and kinda pulled the door shut and made a dash for it – wee mini was too quick and managed to get out – but I must’ve pulled too hard and heard the door close. I jumped in the car and went “oh no”. I’ve got a deadbolt on my door you see so it can’t be opened from the outside. I’ve got no shoes on and not really dressed for the occasion – WTF. So I had a cigarette and pondered on what my next move was. The back door is open – I could possibly jump the fence if I had something on my feet (British feet can’t handle outdoors uncovered). I looked around the car and saw gleaming at me a pair of steel toe cap boots which I like to wear at herding (sheep can’t hurt your toes if they stand on them) – so I put them on and went to the side of the house where the fence is the lowest. It was hammering with rain now – how the heck am I going to get wee Minmin over – I lifted her up and bent across the fence and lowered her as best as I could – she jumped down and barked at me – go in the house Mini – again I have to stress it was teeming with rain – she barked again – such a loyal dog, not wanting to leave her master out in the rain on her own – go on Mini, in the house your getting soaked – little loyal mini my butt – she took off around the corner and obviously ran into the house – God now the others are gonna come running out and get in my way when I’m trying to do the krypton factor and get over this fence – not a bloody sign of them – selfish buggars  So I lifted off the wooden slat thingys I put on the fence to make it higher and tossed it on the ground – right on the section I’m jumping down onto – so I managed to get up on the fence with my bright purple granny housecoat and very heavy steel toe caps, look at where I could land so as not to snap the wooden slat fency thing and make sure my housecoat wasn’t hanging over anything to get caught on and have me dangling in mid air – JUMP – I made it – whooohooooo!!! I put the fence back together and wandered back into the house – all 3 dogs are sitting in the lounge – looking at me drenched. I imagined if I was looking out my window and saw one of the neighbours doing exactly what I had just done, including wearing what I was, it would either be time to move or time to start a blog and write about it. Moral of the story – never wear anything embarrassing in case you get spotted with in on in public 